Monthly Archives: September 2014

2014 Life Changers

Well since we are currently almost to the end of the second week of 3 until hubby is back home, I’ve been busy tackling different areas of the house. Most of these I will share in later posts, however one thing that I have been doing is spending a fair amount of time in my office.

During this time I came across my 2014 Life Changers.

If you have followed my for any length of time you will know that this past New Year’s Eve, hubby, Sarah and I sat down and wrote out what our word of the year was to be, what we wanted to accomplish, what we needed to do and what we really wanted to succeed at doing this year.

So I thought for fun I would give you a quick recap of what mine looks like and what I’ve done,

My Word:

Perseverance

What I want:

Worry less of what People think of me

A good chunk of the adoption done

Spend more quality time with friends and family

Be more hospitable, open up our home more

Well this has been funny. I do worry less what people think of me as a whole. I am still shy and have a hard time pushing out of that shell, but I am working on it. Well the adoption switched when we had some huge difficulties going to the country we were very interested in so we switched instead to fostering. We take our courses in November and then we have a home study and we both need to take First Aid. Well the spending more time with friends and family and being more hospitable kind of went hand in hand as this spring/summer  found me with company pretty much every week or two.

What I need:

To increase my faith/strengthen my journey

To be more organized/follow through/plurge

Be more organized in schooling/crafts (do one pinterest craft a week)

To keep a cleaner home

Exercise and watch food intake/run about 7kms (I was a bit more specific onto where)

My faith and journey are getting strengthened but always, always need help. I am not sure if I am more organized or not. Still working on it. LOL Well the Pinterest crafts didn’t happen the way I had hoped. I probably made about 15. The home is well ready for company at any time so for me that is a plus. Haha The exercising and eating better I really failed at all year until very recently. We will see if I can finish the year strong.

What I will succeed:

Growing my faith/getting more involved in the new church /making a strong Church family

Reading through my bible

Organizing and plurging

Getting our finances in order (for the adoption)

Making our friends quilt by June

Writing more in my blog.

Well I didn’t really succeed in any of this. Although I did finish the top of the quilt and I am now journaling through my bible instead of just reading it. 

I guess I know what I need to focus on for the rest of the year. LOL

Walking

One advantage/disadvantage (depends on who you look at it I guess), of having my girl back in public school full time is I am left to look after her dog every day. Her very energetic 10 month old puppy. I have discovered that the only way to get anything done is to tire her out good first. So every morning we go for a walk. Now some of them have been small and some times I have skipped them and paid the price, however this week I decided that the exercise would be very beneficial to both of us. So away we have gone.

Camera sept 142

I also discovered Monday an app I had forgot about on my phone called Map my Walk. This little thing GPS’s me and tells me how far I have gone, how fast and how long overall it is taking me.

I am loving this. I am definitely a goal setter so to see some actual progress in the form of how long I can walk or how much faster, etc is really beneficial for me.

I am also loving listening to worship music while I walk. This is something I have never done before. Oh sure I have listened to music, but I always thought the worship music I listened to would slow me down. Boy was I wrong. It uplifts me. I forget about how far I have yet to go, or how much my feet hurt. I get very immersed in the world around me. It is like my own personal connection with God while I am tiring out puppy and working out me.

I have noticed a huge change in me. Not body shape but mental shape. photo 1

I generally am calmer. More relaxed. Happier all around. (In spite of this cleanse and missing my chocolate. :()

photo 2

Plus I am enjoying my favorite season and all the beautiful colors that come with it.

photo 3

Plus I’ve got to see the harvest happening. Something that sort of just passed me by before as we lived in a small community instead of rural, like we are now.

Camera sept 225

I am finding it really is the little things.

Walking is doing something to me that I never really expected.

It’s making me appreciate my life more and making me happier with everything around me.

Camera sept 141

Now that is not to say my feet don’t ache, my legs are crying mercy and there are many moments when I wonder why I am doing this.

But for now this girl and I will just keep putting one paw in front of the other.

new phone pics september 224

Journey to find the fitter me.

Since I’ve had my babies I’ve always been the shall we say plump.
Before my bundles of joy I weighed 130lbs and 5’6″.
Now not so much.

A few years ago I decided I was sick of being sick. So I started googling. I read up about celiac disease and was stunned how many boxes I checked off.
I wasn’t to keen on getting the test done which could have ended up with me getting a small biopsy of my intestine. So I read up more and more on it. I found out that if I could eliminate the foods that I believed were causing the problem and see what happened. The kicker was I needed to do this for at least 8 weeks to make sure it was all out of my system. Ugh

So I tried it out. About 4 weeks in I noticed I wasn’t gassy anymore. 6 weeks, I noticed I had more energy, by 8 weeks I was sold I kicked gluten to the curb.

Along with a healthier version of my diet I managed to lose 30 lbs.
Then last fall happened.
We bought a house and moved provinces…in the middle of winter…with a teenage daughter…away from our two sons.
It was hard. Brutally hard. We were making a huge leap of faith that this is where we were supposed to be.
(side note to follow up on story later on is YES it was)
Anyway I started to eat poorly again. Pull out the comfort foods. And put on the comfort or not so comfortable as the case may be pounds.
I gained about half of what I lost back again.

This spring I attempted to lose it but with the wild spring/summer we had I found I stopped again.
Now however I am trying again.
This week I’ve walked 19km so far.
My feet and legs are definitely letting me know I’m out of shape.
And today I started a cleanse.
Now I will admit this has me a bit nervous. I’m not really a cleanse type of person. However my son and his girlfriend were home this weekend and they had done it and couldn’t believe the differences it made in them. So I figured I would give it a go.

Now you might all be wondering why I am sharing this with you.
Well…
I want to be accountable. I NEED to be accountable. Because honestly right now it’s hard. I don’t want to do this cleanse. I don’t want to walk another 5km. I just want to eat a chocolate bar and chill.
But I know that’s not what is good for me.
I need to be healthy again.
I need to be fit.
I need to treat my body like it’s the temple God designed.

So here I am. Virtually at day 1.

Fear

Fear is what is most prevalent today. Yesterday I read a post from a great lady on how they got the phone call that there beautiful foster daughter is going to have to leave them. This beautiful angel that they took care of for 5 months. That they loved on. That they nurtured, will no longer in their life’s, even as she lives on in their hearts and minds. Today I read another heartfelt post from this same beautiful woman on the impact that is having on her life right now.

As I read these all I could think about (besides oh my heart is aching for them. I wish I could help them in some way), is that am I crazy??????

Do I really have what is going to take to walk down this road?

new phone pics september 222

This road that will definitely end up in pain.

new phone pics september 230

I am so scared of the pain. The hurt, the loss…

I am so scared of emptiness and the wondering…

I am scared of what this is going to do to my family.

I am simply scared.

But somehow in spite of this I know deep in my heart this is what I have to do.

I have to walk that road.

new phone pics september 228

I have to toss my heart out and love.

I have to put myself out there and open myself up for all that could happen.

It sounds crazy I know. But I have to.

These children fill my thoughts and emotions.

My heart aches for each of them.

So I will do this. I will continue on. I will take my courses and fill out mounds and mounds of paperwork.

I will sit and wait and alternately anticipate and dread the phone ringing.

I will put one step in front of the other.

I will spend many hours on my knees.

I will put aside the fear for them.

I will…

iphone pics 831

PS All you foster and adoptive mamas out there, I bow to you. Thank you for your honesty and your willingness to just do.

Do over

Do you ever wish you could have a do over.

I mean press pause in life, press rewind, bzzzzz, stop, record. Alright folks lets try this again. Only this time get it right!!!

Yep that would be me. Way to often.

Today was one of those days.

It started out pretty good, albeit tired as per normal. 

I got up while Sarah was getting ready for school. Made my coffee and went into my office where I then did my bible study. Then Sarah took off to school and I enjoyed peace…for 3 seconds, until the dog realized she would have to do deal with me all day and demanded I play with her. 

So I decided to throw some ingredients into my bread maker to make meat buns for Sarah’s lunch and then take the dog for a walk.

And walk we did for 5km. Oh I should also mention that today was the first really cool day of not summer (lol not fall yet, just not summer either :)) So it felt like +3C here with rain. But I knew the only way I would accomplish anything today was to get the dog tired enough to want to sleep. 

I felt great after our walk. A bit chilled but thrilled that I got out there and didn’t just fight with the dog all day so I didn’t have to brave the chill. 

When we got back it was time to make a batch of meat buns, after that I through another bunch of stuff into the bread maker and thought hey I really need to can those peaches before they spoil. So Pinterest I went. 

Soon enough it was 3:15 and I had made two batches of meat buns, had a batch of cinnamon buns rising and had canned all my peaches. Dishes were also done and I was mentally congratulating myself.

Oops wrong move.

Within an hour I had lost it big time. I freaked out on the dog, freaked out on Sarah and basically lost all my marbles in a moment.

I then got supper cooking, grabbed a chocolate bar and went into my room to hide.

Yep that’s me.

I am a hider. I want to run away from issues.

All of the sudden (as I am hiding) Sarah starts yelling at the dog. Apparently she had gotten the now cooked and cooled cinnamon buns off the table and was quite happy munching away.

Well I admit I was still buzzed on my chocolate so I let it go. Told Sarah to clean it up and went back into my denial state.

10 minutes later it happened again.

How did I react this time??  Did I learn anything from my over reaction earlier?? 

Nope, I freaked again.

I know mean mom award here.

 

So now I sit here and contemplate what went wrong. 

Now I could use some excuses…

Some are valid. 

Sarah is 16 and more than capable of watching her dog so she doesn’t eat the cinnamon buns.

I am getting close to that certain visitor. (sorry to be bringing this one in, but ladies you know exactly what I mean when hormones are in play here)

Frankly I am tired.

All these are valid excuses. They help explain what compounded the issue. However they are not valid reasons for me to be able to do this.

I need  to remember to give grace. Over and over and over again. Just as God gave and gives grace to me. Over and over and over again.

I need to remember that mistakes happen. That life is not easy. That I can’t control everything. I have to remember that I am not supposed to be in control. He is!!

I need to stop interfering with God’s amazing plan in my life. 

I need to breathe.

I need to ask forgiveness.

And at the end of the day I need to lay it all at Jesus’s feet. 

Because tomorrow is a new day, and I need to stop living in my mistakes and instead accept God’s grace.

 

Father’s Day

Yep I know it is long past Father’s Day but as I was sitting at my computer tonight these pics of our children popped up and I knew I had to share them with you. 

My very handsome hubby and I have 3. Two boys and a girl. (side note we are hoping to expand our family) Our boys are grown and moved out and we just have our ‘baby’ at home. She turned 16 last March.

This summer the boys came home for Father’s day, and although my handsome hubby was away working, the four of us had a great time.

I decided to grab my camera in hopes of getting a good pic to frame for Dad’s day. It didn’t quite work out that way. I couldn’t get the setting on my camera right. (reason 12536 why I need to take a course. LOL) However I did manage to capture some fantastic expressions and moments that totally capture each of their personalities.

camera pics 2808

So lighting is terrible and I cut off a hand or two. Oops. But look at these faces. 🙂

camera pics 2822

Obviously my oldest is a bit of a dare devil. He makes hubby sick when he does stuff like this. Me..I just smile and grab a camera.

camera pics 2851

They are always wrestling. And Sarah always tries to get in on it. Now that she is older she is a bit tougher to ignore. But still…

camera pics 2859

I love this one even though it is terrible quality. She looks so triumphant even though she is on the bottom of the pile.

camera pics 2864

I was trying to get them to do something fun and action filled for the camera. This is just one of many. Again their faces crack me up.

camera pics 2866

Then they each had to have their turn being crazy. Here is Matt’s turn.

camera pics 2867

Sarah’s turn.

camera pics 2872

And Brandon’s. Love how it generally is all the same pose.

camera pics 2908

And of course the classic Tebow.

camera pics 2911

Their faces of this one!!!

camera pics 2924

Crackin me up!!! They must get their craziness from their Dad. It could never be from me… hahahaha

camera pics 2950

It’s hard to see her face on this one. But…

iphone pics 771

This one perfectly describes Sarah. Love it!! side note it was also on my Instagram if you follow me you would have seen this one already.

iphone pics 786

Then we went inside and I tried to get them to spell out Dad. We weren’t very successful as they kinda thought I was nuts. But still you sorta can see where I was going with this.

Again I really do apologize for the poor picture quality, but oh I love those faces and those beautiful human beings that call Rob and I Mom and Dad.

Being aware of your surroundings

Tonight I was getting to know this little blog a little better. Moving things around and adding some changes. What do you think so far?? Anyway here I am in my office enjoying some quiet time, (Sarah had taken the dog for a walk), when I stopped to just take a peek outside.

What I saw, made me instantly grab my camera and head outside.

 Camera sept 386

 

Camera sept 385

Camera sept 388

 

Sometimes I get so caught up in what I am doing that I forget to stop and look around me.

I love how God caught my attention tonight and painted this amazing picture for me.

He is constantly teaching me to slow down and stop trying. Just let Him.

I am so thankful for tonight’s lesson.