Fear is what is most prevalent today. Yesterday I read a post from a great lady on how they got the phone call that there beautiful foster daughter is going to have to leave them. This beautiful angel that they took care of for 5 months. That they loved on. That they nurtured, will no longer in their life’s, even as she lives on in their hearts and minds. Today I read another heartfelt post from this same beautiful woman on the impact that is having on her life right now.
As I read these all I could think about (besides oh my heart is aching for them. I wish I could help them in some way), is that am I crazy??????
Do I really have what is going to take to walk down this road?
This road that will definitely end up in pain.
I am so scared of the pain. The hurt, the loss…
I am so scared of emptiness and the wondering…
I am scared of what this is going to do to my family.
I am simply scared.
But somehow in spite of this I know deep in my heart this is what I have to do.
I have to walk that road.
I have to toss my heart out and love.
I have to put myself out there and open myself up for all that could happen.
It sounds crazy I know. But I have to.
These children fill my thoughts and emotions.
My heart aches for each of them.
So I will do this. I will continue on. I will take my courses and fill out mounds and mounds of paperwork.
I will sit and wait and alternately anticipate and dread the phone ringing.
I will put one step in front of the other.
I will spend many hours on my knees.
I will put aside the fear for them.
PS All you foster and adoptive mamas out there, I bow to you. Thank you for your honesty and your willingness to just do.