Fear

Fear is what is most prevalent today. Yesterday I read a post from a great lady on how they got the phone call that there beautiful foster daughter is going to have to leave them. This beautiful angel that they took care of for 5 months. That they loved on. That they nurtured, will no longer in their life’s, even as she lives on in their hearts and minds. Today I read another heartfelt post from this same beautiful woman on the impact that is having on her life right now.

As I read these all I could think about (besides oh my heart is aching for them. I wish I could help them in some way), is that am I crazy??????

Do I really have what is going to take to walk down this road?

new phone pics september 222

This road that will definitely end up in pain.

new phone pics september 230

I am so scared of the pain. The hurt, the loss…

I am so scared of emptiness and the wondering…

I am scared of what this is going to do to my family.

I am simply scared.

But somehow in spite of this I know deep in my heart this is what I have to do.

I have to walk that road.

new phone pics september 228

I have to toss my heart out and love.

I have to put myself out there and open myself up for all that could happen.

It sounds crazy I know. But I have to.

These children fill my thoughts and emotions.

My heart aches for each of them.

So I will do this. I will continue on. I will take my courses and fill out mounds and mounds of paperwork.

I will sit and wait and alternately anticipate and dread the phone ringing.

I will put one step in front of the other.

I will spend many hours on my knees.

I will put aside the fear for them.

I will…

iphone pics 831

PS All you foster and adoptive mamas out there, I bow to you. Thank you for your honesty and your willingness to just do.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s