I’m sitting here, taking a rare moment to try and put into words how the past 10 days have affected me.
You see 10 days ago we started doing respite for friends of ours. I’m not going into details. They are amazing parents and we only have this precious angel for 14 days total.
What my whole goal here is to share how this has changed my life.
First I’m exhausted. 9 month old little angels take a ton of energy. She is so active and so loving. You can tell she is very loved. But I haven’t been getting up regularly in the night since my now 16 yr old was 1. So you can see how that would be a huge adjustment.
This is tough. Tougher than I thought. Tougher than I remember littles being. I’ve gone from crying over really nothing. (Making my poor hubby question my mental capabilities) to laughing again over really nothing.
I’ve realized how selfish and self centered I had become. I honestly didn’t realize it before. I mean I’m already a mom of 3. But let me tell you when your “baby” is almost 17 you can pretty much take a step back from the extreme demand parenting that a little needs.
I must point out that I’m truly loving it. There is nothing at all like baby snuggles, kisses and laughter. Playing peek a boo, blowing on a belly, watching them play in the tub. I’m loving doing the laundry and folding up teeny, tiny clothes. I will truly admit that I’m also not minding changing diapers. (Even the dirty ones) (yep now you all are going to question my mental state :))
But I also have to keep it real.
Little Ms has cut two teeth since she’s been here. She is missing her family. She gets up every night at least once. She didn’t take to my hubby right away so that was a huge struggle.
Our puppy is feeling upset over it. Although she is being very gentle and letting her play, she definitely needs some extra loving as well.
I find I’m exhausted ALL THE TIME. Yet I can’t sleep.
I get super short tempered with puppy and my teenager.
However I am also realizing one huge thing…
This is EXACTLY what I want to be doing. It is EXACTLY what I feel I’m being led to. I feel this is EXACTLY what God is asking me to do.
Even as I sit here in this crazy state I’m in, I’m dreading, yes completely dreading, 4 days from now when she heads home.
Our home has changed with her in it.
My mindset has changed with her in it.
My heart has changed with her in.
I’m tired. I’m wore out. But my heart is overflowing.
I’m so very thankful.
He’s breaking me. But in the best way possible.
So as I prepare myself to let go in the next few days, I’m grateful. I’m awed. I’m strengthened simply because I’m His and because I’m listening.
I am strengthened by knowing that although He never once promised me easy, He did promise that He would always be there beside me.