Monthly Archives: November 2016

The last 48 hrs

I did want to come on here and tell you some about the last 24 hrs we had our moose but honestly it was pretty raw. So I thought waiting some would help. 

It has… sorta.

The last 24 hrs was hard. But kinda cool in the same breathe.

The drive to her new home was long. She will live  each 3 and a half hours away. The girls watched 3 movies on the way down. ithe as snow/ raining when we left and by the time we got there the sun had come out. 

We checked into the hotel and then too off to her new home. 

It was really cool for me to see where she will be and to see her new room. She will have a puppy to play with which she will love. 

We spent a couple hours there and then we went and grabbed supper and back to the hotel. I made sure it was pretty chill and I let them go up and down the hallways and watch cartoons. 

Our middle one was having a really hard time so some heart to hearts. The girls hearts are hurting and some memories are coming to surface. 

The next morning I was up by 5: 30. Hard morning. Cartoons and baths and then off to breakfast. Then packed up and back to her new home. 45 minutes later I had to pry a screaming crying little one out of my arms and hand her over as I dashed out the door. 

Even as I sit here and write this the pain is still so hard. Like a kick to the gut. 

But let’s face it, I still am momma to two other little girls needing me. I’ve never been so thankful for DVD players. 

The we headed back home after a side stop of some shopping hoping it would distract.  I should have known better but it was worth a try. 

The evening home went ok. Tired girls. Emotionally spent. Bed early. Then momma walked around in her numbness. 

I made the mistake of going into her room last night. 

Have I mentioned yet how quiet it is? 

Today I spent cleaning because that I can control. I aalso did little things like put the phones back down, the toilet paper back on the rolls, the bathroom door gets to be left open. I kinda Unkid proofed.  

Im trying hard to focus on the good. 

She does have a really nice new family. I know she is already loved by them. She will get some much desired one on one time with mommy while her older sibling is in school. She will be cuddled and smooched. Her new mommy is ensuring me we will still be able to be a part of her life. 

 I’m also overwhelmed by the amount of love and support we have received in this. The amount of people praying for us alone is amazing. I can also say without a word of doubt that I have definitely felt Him these past few days.
Now to start the hard process of learning to live without our moose. 

In the words of her new mommy… One day at a time.

Grabbing memories

So the day has arrived. Our last day home with our little butterball. Well my last day home. Yesterday was emotional. So many goodbyes. So many times I watched this precious sweetheart get held, get kissed, get loved on, get prayed for as church family and good friends said goodbye. This morning our bio daughter had her goodbye. 

It’s been so gut wrenching to watch people that know and love this little princess say goodbye knowing it’s the last. 

Today I washed all her clothes for the last time. I packed them all up. Squished in a cuddly blankie and the rest of her diapers. Made sure her very favorite toys went with her. Packed up the diaper bag she came with and unpacked ours. 

I put her suitcase put in the vehicle. I explained to our other two daughters that this was the last night home with their foster sister. 

I bathed her. I picked out her final two sets of clothing. I played with her. I let her nap on me simply to get all the cuddles I can. I’ve laid her in her bed for the very last time tonight. 

Tomorrow I packed up bottles and our clothes and head down to her new mom and dad’s which is about 3 and a half hours away. I get one more night with her and then I have to say goodbye forever.  

I have no idea how I’m going to do that. I have no idea how I’m going to drive away with one 2 daughters in the vehicle and leave our youngest behind. Only by the strength of God will I be able to accomplish that.

In my youngest daughters eyes her mommy will be abandoning her. I know and all the adults around her know but her precious heart doesn’t. 

My enormous prayer for this bundle is for her heart to heal fast. For attachment and bonding to go lightening speed. For her to forget. Simply so that this pain that she has to go through is minimal. 

I have felt the Lord here more than ever. The tears today never came until much later. Until the older girls were in bed. He is giving me strength that I know is not my own. 

I’ve had so many people text me on a regular basis just to see how I am. Just for me to know we are loved. 

Please family and friends continue to pray for us in the coming days, weeks and months as we all transition into our new realities.