Grabbing memories

So the day has arrived. Our last day home with our little butterball. Well my last day home. Yesterday was emotional. So many goodbyes. So many times I watched this precious sweetheart get held, get kissed, get loved on, get prayed for as church family and good friends said goodbye. This morning our bio daughter had her goodbye. 

It’s been so gut wrenching to watch people that know and love this little princess say goodbye knowing it’s the last. 

Today I washed all her clothes for the last time. I packed them all up. Squished in a cuddly blankie and the rest of her diapers. Made sure her very favorite toys went with her. Packed up the diaper bag she came with and unpacked ours. 

I put her suitcase put in the vehicle. I explained to our other two daughters that this was the last night home with their foster sister. 

I bathed her. I picked out her final two sets of clothing. I played with her. I let her nap on me simply to get all the cuddles I can. I’ve laid her in her bed for the very last time tonight. 

Tomorrow I packed up bottles and our clothes and head down to her new mom and dad’s which is about 3 and a half hours away. I get one more night with her and then I have to say goodbye forever.  

I have no idea how I’m going to do that. I have no idea how I’m going to drive away with one 2 daughters in the vehicle and leave our youngest behind. Only by the strength of God will I be able to accomplish that.

In my youngest daughters eyes her mommy will be abandoning her. I know and all the adults around her know but her precious heart doesn’t. 

My enormous prayer for this bundle is for her heart to heal fast. For attachment and bonding to go lightening speed. For her to forget. Simply so that this pain that she has to go through is minimal. 

I have felt the Lord here more than ever. The tears today never came until much later. Until the older girls were in bed. He is giving me strength that I know is not my own. 

I’ve had so many people text me on a regular basis just to see how I am. Just for me to know we are loved. 

Please family and friends continue to pray for us in the coming days, weeks and months as we all transition into our new realities. 

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